The Divine Comedy Review: An Evening With Neil Hannon Wed 10 Nov 2010

I was a bit disappointed initially when I found out that this was The Divine Comedy in the guise of Neil Hannon, solo entertainer. However I settled down to enjoy the show.

Hannon came on to the them music of Mr Benn in his bowler hat and launched in a cracking version of Assume The Perpendicular followed by The Complete Banker.

I soon realised that Neil, though good, ain’t that great a piano player. Hell he’s not even a great singer. But he does have this… charisma. A charisma that can pull such a gig off. He could have been playing a 3 stringed banjo and he would have been great.

He was a bit like a cheap Prince knocking out hits. Though not as good as Prince nor as well played, he still had that hit-thing going on. Sweden was great. You could hear all the whole band in your head whilst he plonked out his pianoed version.

Absent Friends was great on the acoustic. He did ask if it was weird that there was all of us and there was just him. Then he used the word “cosy”. It was that.

All through this I had a couple just on my right who were talking quite loudly through the whole set. I don’t know whether they were drunk or just idiot. (Where does drunk begin and idiot end?) When Neil thrashed out “Becoming More Like Alfie” the idiot man started singing the horn bit – loudly and bad.

After a while a lady behind me politely asked the idiot couple “I know you are enjoying the music but would you mind keeping it down a little?” To which the idiot man snapped back “Yeah well we are talking about the music and you are annoying us!” She asked him to keep it down again to which he started being abusive. “Hey come on!” I asked the idiot man beside me and he turned and barked “What the fuck are you looking at?” I thought to myself “An idiot man who is in bad need of a dental hygenist and some hugs from his daddy.” but I said nothing. “You’re all a pack of cunts!” he explained loudly to himself and everyone within shouting distance.

I then heard him mutter something else and his girlfriend said “But I’m enjoying Neil, he’s being a laugh.” The idiot man then stood up and threw his drink all over everyone behind us, clipping me with some, wetting the man behind me and soaking and innocent lady who was totally oblivious and two rows back. The wetted man behind us stood up and started telling the idiot man that he should “Fuck off!” and “Fuck off you asshole!” Dude had a point.

As sad as that episode was the idiot man had indeed fucked off and now our little area of the Queen Elizabeth Hall was an idiot-free zone. I asked the guy behind if he was ok. We both agreed upon the idiocy of the idiot man and got down to enjoying the rest of the gig.

Neil burst into The Indie Disco with the whole of the auditorium clapping (mostly in time!) The rest of the gig was pretty sublime. Songs of Love on the acoustic was amazing. The crowd whistled the solo superbly.

Lady Of A Certain Age prompted Hannon to ask someone, anyone for a plectrum. The knight in shining armour was a baldy man with glasses. Nice to see that interaction. I Like was hilarious. In fact Hannon was pretty hilarious himself. He sang The Plough:

But then I discovered my colleagues one day
Massaging the figures for personal gain
I said “I’ll not wallow in this house of shame”
I’ll plough my own furrow, I’ll go my own way.

As beautiful as it was I realised that, though it is important for them to take on a social stance, it’s obvious when singer/songwriters sing about something they know nothing about, like working in an office. (I was trained that if you see something that is unethical or illegal you must report it.) But hey, let him get on with it. He has good melodies.

Tonight We Fly had the whole place clapping along (in time and) sounded really powerful. The Pop Singer’s Fear Of The Pollen Count, Have You Ever Been In Love, The Lost Art Of Conversation, Snowball In Negative. The classics kept coming. I would describe myself as a great admirer of Hannon’s work for the last 15 years. I’m not a fanatic. What was great for me last night was that I wasn’t able to pinpoint which era the songs came from. This tells me they are kinda timeless in a way. (Btw I know I have the songs all out of sync here. Feel free to publish a setlist)

Our Mutual Friend was not missing the band strangely. He’s a pretty competent piano player. Don’t You Want Me was a bit of a joke – maybe too much. Frog Princess was for me a real highlight. He invited the audience to sing La Marseillaise: men the first part, the women repeating it, then the men finishing the second bit and the women completing that. That was amazing to hear. A full auditorium softly singing this whilst he got on with the song. Yeah there were mistakes with his stop/starting but it all added to the in-your-mate’s house thing whilst Neil entertains your mate’s parents.

National Express was great too with the audience all singing the horns. He got two standing ovations. I am sure I have left bits out. Please let me know in the comments what you thought. Did you have an idiot man beside you also? Were you the lady who got soaked? Was it wine or beer? Oh btw Neil, if you need a Derry-born London-based banjo player next time be sure to contact me.

David Byrne’s Inclusive Approach To The Web

Nice to see David Byrne having an inclusive approach to the web. In the shows of his latest tour Songs Of David Byrne And Brian Eno he invites the audience to take photos and send them in to his website and to upload them on Flickr. (I have had two published here.)

I feel this inclusive behaviour ties a further bond between the audience and the performer. Take the other extreme of Prince for example, I am afraid of liking him as he seems so protective of his images. As the Guardian wrote in 2007:

His lawyers have forced his three biggest internet fansites to remove all photographs, images, lyrics, album covers and anything linked to the artist’s likeness. A legal letter asks the fansites to provide “substantive details of the means by which you propose to compensate our clients [Paisley Park Entertainment Group, NPG Records and AEG] for damages”.

Prince, you are a genius and as a musician I rate you higher than most people however I am afraid to say that I think David Byrne has the upper hand on you here. And I mean afraid!

Madonna To Play O2 – Oh No!

After the fiasco of her Wembley gig Madonna is returning to the UK to play the O2. One wonders if she has had feedback from the gigs there of Prince or Kylie Minogue – or if they read my top tips for touring mega rich pop stars. I also wonder if the O2 has fixed their sound for anyone sitting in the top rows (i.e. anyone with a ticket beginning with ’4′). In any case Madonna nor Live Nation still haven’t offered an apology for the shambolic Wembley gig after all the complaints. Wonder how bad the O2 gig will be…

Top 10 Tips For Touring Mega Rich Pop Stars

It would seem that many pop stars can very easily forget what it was like when they were very grateful for their fans attending their gigs and now are just taking them for granted so I have compiled a top ten list of concert etiquette for these ingrates to check every so often.

1. When booking a tour, ensure that the performance will be of a good sound quality. Make sure:
   • There are enough speakers with powerful enough amps.
   • These speakers are pointed at the heads of the audience.
2. Having ensured that the audience can hear you, now do the other side of things and ensure the audience can see you. Put up enough screens so that the people you have charged £75 can see what is going on. (When you sell DVDs you don’t make sure that the image only fills 5% of the TV screen.)
3. Try and book the concert to match the demand for the tickets. If you notice that the concert sells out in under 2 days (and that includes when it sells out in 20 minutes) then put on another show.
4. Continue to do number 3 until until the demand has dried up. This will do three things:
   • Stop tickets being sold on eBay for 10 times their face value.
   • Make you more money.
   • Increase your fan base (providing you have fulfilled points 1 and 2).
5. Try to remember what it was like when you were starting out and were doing anything to make ends meet e.g. working as a waitress, placard-holder or rent-boy. In other words try to make money but don’t be vulgar by charging obscene amounts. Have a chat with a rent-person and ask them what they think is enough money for them to get by on for a week to gauge how much you should charge. What you then charge will be a truer reflection on yourself. (Right now you are just being deemed as willing to put out charity records as long as it boosts you career but when it comes to looking after your fans you are screwing them for every penny.)
6. If you do book a gig, play it! Don’t cancel it the week before just because you messed up on point 3 by booking too big a venue on a Monday night in a country you haven’t played in 14 years. (Prince take note!) Similarly don’t get so messed up that you can’t get out of the room where all your drugs are. (Amy and Pete take note – but then again you’re hardly mega rich are you?)
7. If you do mega deals with Live Nation (or whoever are putting on your concerts) then ensure they carry out points 1 and 2. But remember! The buck stops with you, so you cannot offload any blame.
8. If you have messed up on points 1 and 2 then never, ever, ever let your promoters gloat like this. Remember point 7: The buck stops with you and therefore any gloating will look very, very bad on your part.
9. If you love it do it! Prince got it so right by playing 21 nights in London and then playing afterpartys where he could let his hair down and play what he wanted. In fact Prince has it so right in very many ways. He doesn’t charge too much and is a proper showman. His screens mostly just show him as he is such a good, singer, guitarist, pianist, dancer, bassist, drummer, etc. His main problem, as he rightly states, is that he has too many hits.
10. If you do make a mess of things then promptly apologise. It’s only manners you know. You greedy shit.

These tips were inspired mostly by the comments of this thread.

The Sound In Wembley And O2 Is Awful!

It seems as though many people are complaining about the sound at the Madonna concert. I was fortunate in that I was seated near the front so my sound was ok. Looking at the lack of speakers being pointed at the audience at the sides, however, many people are complaining that the sound was indeed rubbish.

I experienced rubbish sound at my first and fifth attendance of the Prince’s gigs at the O2 arena in the summer of 2007 due to speakers not being pointed at my head. Muddy, and too much bass, although when I was sitting in the ideal seats in the O2 the sound was indeed impeccable. Ironically when I was there on the last night of Prince’s 21 night season I had the best seats but there were no speakers pointed at me. Talk about a let down on the final night!

But why does going to these gigs have to be such a lottery? I wish the people organising these shows would learn that if there are no speakers being pointed directly at an audience member then the audience member will have a rubbish time and probably will never come back.

Wembley is good for football matches and the O2 is good for launching millennia. Kind of.

Footnote: Those wishing to complain about the Madonna gig should go here.

Computers Are Stupid!

Computes are stupid but people are geniuses. I was recording music for an upcoming show. I moved the files to my external Hard Drive, then went to delete them. Not sure if they failed to delete or I failed to multi-task correctly. Either way I couldn’t boot up my Mac cos I had run out of memory. So what did I do? I asked myself the perennial question that usually provides all solutions: What would Prince do?  Answer: Throw out the machine, the project and all the people around him and start a new recording session.

I couldn’t agree with Prince on this one so I pretended to ask my other source of info: Homer Simpson. Homer responded. “You won’t find your answers at the bottom of a beer glass.. you’ll find them on T.V! “

I think Homer was nearly right. The ultimate Knowledge Management tool is the web. I remember helping a friend out who is in her 40s.  She had a problem with her boiler. Instead of lifting a hammer to it I which is what she was expecting me to do I consulted the web and duly had it up and running in under 10 minutes.

My point in this is that if you have a problem and can’t be bothered paying for a solution or can’t be arsed waiting for some genius to get back to you, go to the web as some other genius will have written about it already. I’m now writing UNIX code to delete corrupted audio files. Who would have thought? If it made any sense to her I would call my mother to impress her. Instead I think I’ll call my sister and wish her a happy birthday. Happy Birthday Máire.

Great Songs To Walk To

1. Controversy – Prince
2. Get Up Offa That Thing – James Brown
3. 1+1+1 = 3 – Prince. (If it’s a live version be sure to stop on the one. Thanks).
4. Hot Pants – James Brown
5. Thank You For Sending Me An Angel – Talking Heads
6. Don’t Get me Wrong – The Pretenders
7. Standing In The Way Of Control – The Gossip 
8.  The Gumbo Variations – Frank Zappa
9. D. J. – David Bowie
10.  Eyeball Kid – Tom Waits. (Though you have to stop for the ‘But you  got to have a manager that’s what it’s all about’ line. Start walking again after ‘I know you can’t speak and I know you can’t sign so cry right here on the dotted line’).

I’m Going Down To Alphabet Street

Sporting Hearts ProjectsOriginally uploaded by Sporting Hearts

I went out with the registered charity Sporting Hearts to entertain 200 kids in Belgrade. We gave them all a camera each and took them to the theatre and on a boat down the Danube. Very rewarding. The didn’t even mind me singing Prince songs at them on the banjo. think I enjoyed that bit more than them though. This pic was taken by one of the kids using a disposable camera. Read all about it here.